Bisexuality doesn’t exist?

I just talked to two guys, married. They were looking at getting tested. After I told them that I’m more a sex coach and that the testing guy would be here later, they seemed curious as to why I was here and asked questions as to why people would see me.

I started telling some of the reasons people see me, one of the reasons I mentioned was that some people are bisexual and have challenges with that.

One of the couple, let’s say “Brad,” immediately laughed and said, “There is no such thing.” “Oh?” I said. His partner chimed in, “I think there is.” Brad repeated, “No, there’s gay…” “I believe there is.” I chimed back in with a smile on my face by saying, “See? We’ve already got a conversation happening!” Brad said again, “There’s no such thing, right?” “Well,” I said, that he had a pretty limited view, actually.

The two shared that they were down from the Bay Area and were exploring their gayness…what it was for them to be gay…at a bathhouse. (Right there is a pretty big topic in and of itself…you’re exploring what it is to be gay in a bathhouse? Sex doesn’t exclusively define what it is to be gay, or straight, or bi, or etc…). That aside, they left and Brad came back to ask what my website was. I showed him and encouraged him/them to make contact if they would like.

I was at a comedy show just yesterday where one of the women comics said that she was the last stop for some men on the way to gay. Her experience was that men would come out as gay to her after they’d had sex with her. Very funny comic!

There’s a really big limiting understanding that there is about sexual attraction. It’s really pretty simple: We’re attracted to whom we’re attracted. And. Attractions change. But it’s not like it’s a choice to say “Oh, I’m in the mood for vagina today.”

For many people, I’m thinking of men right now, the label of bisexual is an “intermediate stop” on “the way to gay.”  June is now officially “Gay Month” in America and marriage is a legal right between same gendered couples as well as opposite gendered couples. Got it. That doesn’t mean that the shame of oneself, of one’s sexuality, or the stigma of one’s sexual desires, attractions, and even their total sexuality, including internalized homophobia in a gay man isn’t at play.

There really does seem to be a built-in (systemic) prejudice towards those identifying as bi/bisexual. Think about it. If you’re a guy and your girlfriend or wife tells you that she experimented in college, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Hell yeah, tell me about it!” But if your buddy tells you the same thing, you’re like “Dude, you’re gay!”

Guys aren’t allowed to “experiment” in most societies and women are. Bisexuality, in 2016, is a very old school term. I think the current, super politically correct terms are:

Pan and Polysexual are fun because they include gender expression as well as sexual orientation two different things and no, I’m not talking about both here, just the good old fashioned bisexual, as defined as someone who is sexually attracted to both women and men. To you super politically correct peeps out there, I get it that bisexuality still is linked to the binary definitions of homo/hetero sexuality. I’m not going to be politically correct to appease but aim to be helpful to those who seek genuine information.

Did you know that Giraffes are sexually active with the same gender for the first third of their lives and with opposite gender Giraffes for the next two-thirds of their lives (this is Longitudinal bisexuality)? We usually define bisexuality as happening at the same time, but it doesn’t need to be. I’m just throwing this in for a bit of fun. The origin of this information is in the book Biological Exuberance by Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D. You can buy the book here:

So to wrap up, yes, there is bisexuality. You can be sexually stimulated by and attracted to both men and women at the same time, and maybe one gender for a period of time and another at another season of your life. It could be that you’re attracted to women first, then men, or even men first, then women (still looking at it from a male point of view). From a female POV, you too could be attracted to men, then women, possibly then men again or at the same time. It happens. It can be weird. But you’re okay, and it’s okay. You’re not wrong.

The bottom line is that you’re probably a little of this and a little of that. If not, that’s okay, too. But bisexuality does exist, and it’s not necessarily a stop on the way to gay. Regardless of the label, you’re not wrong for being attracted to him/her/her/him/them/all. You’re okay, and it’s okay. You’re not wrong. That’s the take away.

Is someone from Microsoft trying to hijack my site?

Am I, Jim the Sex Coach being hacked by an employee at #Microsoft?

Someone tried to access my site from what looks like #Microsoft. I’m not a techy so I don’t know how to stop it, but whoever you are, would you please stop? If you’re not from Microsoft, then please forgive me.

All IP locators show that you are at #Microsoft. If you’re looking to crash/hijack my site, please pick on someone else. Get an Uber job for extra money, but, I’m wanting to help people, you’re wanting to help yourself. Please stop.

I don’t know if  #Microsoft will see this, but I’m hoping so.’26.4%22N+122%C2%B007’17.4%22W/@47.6743122,-122.1220797,18z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x0:0x0


NSFW What I said to a coaching client

“You’re not a faggot for liking a dick in your ass. You’re not a pussy for liking to be receptive, and you’re not a woman that you enjoyed getting fucked.” He replied, “Ya know that’s what I said, ‘Did you come in me…that’s what a woman says…that’s what I’m thinking.” “You’re not a woman for getting fucked. You still have your balls, no one can take that away. You’re still a man.”

A lot and I mean a LOT of guys have this type of thinking, that they’re pussies for liking dick in the ass. Not true. There are a lot of men and women who’ll say otherwise, that’s true, but they’re not sexually educated.(That’s the nice way of saying it).

The thing is, I used to say the same thing. I know that type of thinking (that you’re a woman if you get fucked) because I used to be one of the assholes that said it. Now that I specialize in sexual questions & coaching, I know differently.

I know that there are plenty of straight guys, guys who love pounding pussy, that love to have their prostate massaged and the feeling of their anus being played with. They don’t want to get fucked, they don’t want another guy anywhere near there, but they love the prostate pleasure (and they should!).  Kayne West (and I don’t know or care to know the whole story) was outed as liking anal play. He fought back citing that he’s not gay. Well, you don’t need to be to like anal play. Check out this article:

I’m Jim the Sex Coach, I’m an advocate for healthy sexual pleasure and expression. I advocate for men’s sexuality & sexual expression, and women’s sexuality & sexual expression, and for the people who might ID as being be in between, and for people who ID as Trans, or Cis, or Fluid, or Other.

Let’s start without the shame. Let’s start without the judgment.
I like sex. You like sex. Let’s actually talk about it.

While I’m learning about the blogging bit, but I’m not new to the sex scene or various sexual communities. The intention of this site, I’m thinking as I’m writing this, is to advocate for sexual rights, hopefully while educating and even entertaining along the way. I also hope to be a source of world sexual news, probably with my commentary, maybe some tips/techniques…as for the whole picture, I’m not sure yet.

That all said, there’s a  LOT of stuff on feminism and the objectification of women. Hell, ISIS is giving birth control to women/girls so they can use them as sex slaves. Have a look at this article:

It’s gotten fucking crazy. BUT. Most of the news of focused on what I call the sex negative. I’m wanting to be more focused on the person or individual people, and the sex positive.  Positive sexuality, positive sensuality, and positive eroticism. I don’t know where this site or I’ll end up, I just know that I’m wanting to speak my voice to help those that may not otherwise get the information.