I just talked to two guys, married. They were looking at getting tested. After I told them that I’m more a sex coach and that the testing guy would be here later, they seemed curious as to why I was here and asked questions as to why people would see me.
I started telling some of the reasons people see me, one of the reasons I mentioned was that some people are bisexual and have challenges with that.
One of the couple, let’s say “Brad,” immediately laughed and said, “There is no such thing.” “Oh?” I said. His partner chimed in, “I think there is.” Brad repeated, “No, there’s gay…” “I believe there is.” I chimed back in with a smile on my face by saying, “See? We’ve already got a conversation happening!” Brad said again, “There’s no such thing, right?” “Well,” I said, that he had a pretty limited view, actually.
The two shared that they were down from the Bay Area and were exploring their gayness…what it was for them to be gay…at a bathhouse. (Right there is a pretty big topic in and of itself…you’re exploring what it is to be gay in a bathhouse? Sex doesn’t exclusively define what it is to be gay, or straight, or bi, or etc…). That aside, they left and Brad came back to ask what my website was. I showed him and encouraged him/them to make contact if they would like.
I was at a comedy show just yesterday where one of the women comics said that she was the last stop for some men on the way to gay. Her experience was that men would come out as gay to her after they’d had sex with her. Very funny comic!
There’s a really big limiting understanding that there is about sexual attraction. It’s really pretty simple: We’re attracted to whom we’re attracted. And. Attractions change. But it’s not like it’s a choice to say “Oh, I’m in the mood for vagina today.”
For many people, I’m thinking of men right now, the label of bisexual is an “intermediate stop” on “the way to gay.” June is now officially “Gay Month” in America and marriage is a legal right between same gendered couples as well as opposite gendered couples. Got it. That doesn’t mean that the shame of oneself, of one’s sexuality, or the stigma of one’s sexual desires, attractions, and even their total sexuality, including internalized homophobia in a gay man isn’t at play.
There really does seem to be a built-in (systemic) prejudice towards those identifying as bi/bisexual. Think about it. If you’re a guy and your girlfriend or wife tells you that she experimented in college, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Hell yeah, tell me about it!” But if your buddy tells you the same thing, you’re like “Dude, you’re gay!”
Guys aren’t allowed to “experiment” in most societies and women are. Bisexuality, in 2016, is a very old school term. I think the current, super politically correct terms are:
Pan and Polysexual are fun because they include gender expression as well as sexual orientation two different things and no, I’m not talking about both here, just the good old fashioned bisexual, as defined as someone who is sexually attracted to both women and men. To you super politically correct peeps out there, I get it that bisexuality still is linked to the binary definitions of homo/hetero sexuality. I’m not going to be politically correct to appease but aim to be helpful to those who seek genuine information.
Did you know that Giraffes are sexually active with the same gender for the first third of their lives and with opposite gender Giraffes for the next two-thirds of their lives (this is Longitudinal bisexuality)? We usually define bisexuality as happening at the same time, but it doesn’t need to be. I’m just throwing this in for a bit of fun. The origin of this information is in the book Biological Exuberance by Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D. You can buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Biological-Exuberance-Homosexuality-Diversity-Stonewall/dp/031225377X
So to wrap up, yes, there is bisexuality. You can be sexually stimulated by and attracted to both men and women at the same time, and maybe one gender for a period of time and another at another season of your life. It could be that you’re attracted to women first, then men, or even men first, then women (still looking at it from a male point of view). From a female POV, you too could be attracted to men, then women, possibly then men again or at the same time. It happens. It can be weird. But you’re okay, and it’s okay. You’re not wrong.
The bottom line is that you’re probably a little of this and a little of that. If not, that’s okay, too. But bisexuality does exist, and it’s not necessarily a stop on the way to gay. Regardless of the label, you’re not wrong for being attracted to him/her/her/him/them/all. You’re okay, and it’s okay. You’re not wrong. That’s the take away.